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Sally, Scrabble and Success

This month we are honoring women in history.

I have had many wonderful women in my life who have taught me many things, but I do believe the most impactful one of all had to be Sally Cornett, my mom.

Besides valuing hard work, hospitality and determination, one of the lessons I learned from this diminutive dynamo packed into a 4’ 11” frame was that failure can actually be a good teacher. Ayushmann Khurrana once tweeted,

Success is a lousy teacher. Failure is your friend, philosopher and guide.

Mom was an excellent Scrabble® player and taught me to play at a relatively young age.

As I recall, it might have taken several years for me to beat her in a single game.  You would think I might have lost interest after the 100th drubbing or so,  but Mom was an excellent encourager despite her seeming lack of any Scrabble mercy.  I always felt as if I was really close to winning when in actuality, I wasn’t.  More importantly, as I watched her play, I began to learn.  New words and new playing strategies would slowly emerge…as long as my frustration at losing translated to healthy introspection.  Instead of giving me the play, Mom would talk me through the options and outcomes in a way that fostered growth.  I managed to carry some of this forward into life and leadership.

Failure will happen to us all at some point.

The question all comes down to what you decide to do with the experience.  How do you learn to internalize that failure in a healthy way?   Can you be led to introspection that causes growth, fosters humility and feeds wisdom?  As a leader, how do you give space for failure on your team, yet remain accountable? Will you act as a guide or coach through that failure in a way that brings about meaningful growth?  Here are some tips:

  • Give some room for failure.  Winning can still be a priority, but if the expectation is perfection, chances are you will create a culture that fears failure. In an environment of fear, extracting any learning from that failure may be more difficult.
  • Encourage stories that include the good, the bad AND the ugly.  Don’t lose the teachable benefit of history by only telling the winning stories.
  • Learn to analyze mistakes together as a team, but don’t get bogged down doing so.  The good old tried and true Keep-Stop-Start formula is a great way for a team to analyze success and failure. Process by asking,
    • What was the situation, what was the behavior, and what was the impact? 
    • And, what do we need to keep doing that worked?
    • Then, what do we need to stop doing that didn’t work?
    • Finally, what could we start doing that would make a difference? 

If we at Milestone Leadership can help you along your path as a leader worth following, let us know!


Written by: Alex Cornett, Partner – Milestone Leadership

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