Crisis in Confidence: How Superman Got Super Bummed and Then Got His Mojo Back

Do you ever think back to those times in your life when you felt invincible? Maybe it was when you were small and believed you could be anything when you grew up (for years my daughter was dead set on being the first astronaut-ballerina to dance in space.) Perhaps it was after you earned a degree or certification, and you couldn’t wait to use that fresh knowledge to take on leadership and do big things.

Little by little, though, negative feedback and difficult situations might have start to chip away at your belief in yourself and your capabilities. Remarks—pointed or unintentional—from leaders or peers can be unsettling and unlock fears we might not even know we have. Sadly, there are few things that can kill motivation, creativity and productivity faster than suffering from a crippling lack of confidence.

Before suggesting how to help prevent a confidence free fall, I’d like to share a real story of a friend who has been struggling with a series of setbacks that have completely shaken his confidence—and the difficult aftermath he is still processing. I’ll call him Jake.

“I’ve been working the last few years in a corporate leadership role, doing great and really developing my career. As is common, the organizational structure started to change and shift, but initially I was pretty much a rock star in my role and getting high ‘exceeds expectations’ performance reviews. A position at the next level up in my reporting chain became available, and I was asked to apply—but I decided to hold off. A new leader was eventually hired, but in the meantime our team experienced a serious dip in direction and fell very behind. Everyone was miserable, we were missing deadlines and things felt as though they were falling apart.

“The new leader came into the role and had the smarts and skills necessary to run the group. Despite feeling better that we had someone fresh and capable to guide our team and its responsibilities, my own stress from being so far behind led me to make some bad decisions and missteps. Almost right out of the gate this put me on the wrong foot with my new boss. I started being micromanaged and it seemed like every interaction took on a hyper-critical tone.

“I began to lose confidence in my communication skills, and because I didn’t want to be constantly criticized, I essentially quit communicating at all. Feeling as though everything I did was subject to being second-guessed, my decision-making became slower and slower. I began to lose serious traction as a leader. I also became the default ‘fall guy’ as things continued to go wrong on the team.

“Soon the high stress I was feeling triggered emergence of a chronic and life-threatening medical condition I had managed for years. I began losing a lot of weight and experiencing a number of medical complications, not the least of which was a very scary degrading impact on my eyesight. I knew the situation was critical and I had to get my health back on track, so I opted to take several months of medical leave.

“Since I’ve been on leave, I’ve experienced worry, depression and even panic attacks. I am getting healthier day by day by committing to a better diet and exercise, but my lack of confidence has carried into my personal life. I am reluctant to go out in public, anxious I will see coworkers—and I’ve felt isolated. I am already worrying about returning to my role soon and wondering if I can be as successful a leader as I was before everything got out of hand.

“This experience has not been all bad, though. Despite the unknowns I have ahead of me and the realization that one person’s interactions with me could cause such a downward spiral, I have put myself on a better path physically and am evolving to a better place emotionally. I’ve had the chance to see how out of whack my work was in relation to my personal life and family, and will fight to maintain better balance. By forcing myself to reach out to others and hear their own experiences, I’ve come to see more clearly what a difficult environment I was in. I’m finding now that if I tackle things piece by piece to keep from getting overwhelmed, I can and will get back on track.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from all of this, it’s that it is hard to regain confidence until you start having experiences of success—but for me, connecting to positive people who can help me recognize my value is helping me to see my own worth again. I’m going to be OK.”

Jake has obviously had a rough and scary year, and he’s not fully out of the woods yet. Even so, he has done a number of things right finding his path back to confidence and a belief that he can be a solid future leader. Here are four actions that apply to anyone and will make a difference:

• Negative self-talk is death to self-esteem and puts a person on track for failure as they look for reasons they’re not succeeding. Yet, our brains are capable of being shaped into a much more positive state when we seek to mindfully focus on what is going right and remind ourselves of what we’re capable of accomplishing. There is power in affirming mantras, and doing so can literally rewire our neural pathways for good…just as negative self-talk can create destructive habits for our brains.
• Assess what has gone wrong and learn from it. Most people who’ve experienced a traumatic event will say there were huge lessons that emerged, if they were just open to seeing them. Rather than dwell on what felt terrible about a situation, look for what actions might have resulted in a different outcome and commit to apply that in the future. As things improve, so will confidence.
• We are who we surround ourselves with. If we look for people who wallow in negativity and reinforce our fears and pessimism, we will undoubtedly continue to feel bad. When we’re down, we’re not productive, inspired or creative…and the outcome is a vicious, self-perpetuating cycle. Seek out people who remind you of your value as a leader and who encourage you to be the best version of yourself.
• Commit to self-care. Like so many other things in life, putting off maintenance and ongoing care does not save time (or expense) in the long run. A decline in health can have a catastrophic impact on everything from relationships to finances; more subtly, it can cloud our thinking and deplete our resolve. Take the time to move, eat well, rest and rejuvenate.

At Milestone Leadership, we regularly meet people who have experienced tough points in their careers. We know leaders worth following are capable of taking positive action when things get difficult and seek reinforcement when their confidence is waning. Great leaders also take the time to recognize when team members are struggling and commit to stepping in to help others see their worth. Life offers up some great days and some truly crushing ones; learning to balance the two while not losing secure sense of self is one of the keys to a happy, productive existence—and your own best chance at excelling as a leader for others.

Kelly Hale Syer
Associate 
Milestone Leadership